Articles on Self-Care

What is Personal Stress?

Probably the most common is, “physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension”. Another popular definition of stress is, “a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize. Areas of the body affected by stress – Brain and Nerves, Muscles and Joints, Heart, Stomach, Pancreas, Intestines, Reproductive System.

Within the last two years my stress levels have been at an ultimate high. I signed up for something that has no loop holes and, is a legally binding contract for life. I knew I would always take care of my mom. But I really wasn’t prepared for everything that would come with it. She is now 83 years old but I still find myself seeing her as if she is 50. But whose fault is that? This is where the reality has not quite set into my mind and, in some cases hers, as she still thinks she can climb to change the curtains as in her younger years.

Growing up my mom was a take the bull by the horn kind of woman. Some cases she was like Super Woman. Not waiting on anyone to get anything done. In many cases I have attributed my persistence and attitude to my mom. What I didn’t prepare myself for was that one day that Super Woman would be dependent on me. When did the transition happen? Why wasn’t I prepared? It is quite difficult watching her sometimes and I get frustrated, angry, annoyed maybe with her or is it really with myself? My stress levels go up very quickly and I often lose patience in the blink of an eye.

Reflecting on my actions, I take responsibility for my personal stress. My realisation is slow but steady in understanding what I can and cannot change or control. I am honoured to be able to take care of my mom, as many are not blessed to have their mother with them, trusting that this journey, will give me more understanding into self and my limitations.

Reducing Personal Stress

Our perception and response to an event in a caregiving situation, is a significant factor to how we adjust and cope with it. It is a prime example of some seeing the glass as half-full or half empty. Either way you are not alone in your experiences.

Your stress levels are influenced by many factors, including the following:

Is your caregiving voluntary? Do you feel you had no choice in taking on the responsibilities, if yes, you may experience strain, distress, and resentment.

What’s your relationship with the care recipient? In the hope of healing a relationship, we try to fill the void by caring for the person. However, if healing does not occur, you may feel regret and discouragement.

How well are your coping abilities? What are your current coping strengths? Build on them. How you coped with stress in the past predicts how you will cope now.

What’s your caregiving situation? Some caregiving situations are more stressful than others. For example, caring for a person with dementia is often more stressful than caring for someone with a physical limitation.

Steps to Managing Stress

Recognize warning signs early. These might include irritability, sleep problems, forgetfulness, excessive weight gain. Be mindful of changes in yourself, take note as it happens. DO NOT WAIT until you are overwhelmed or fall ill. Ask “What is causing stress for me?” It may be that you have too much to do, family disagreements, feelings of inadequacy, or the inability to say no, or to ask for help, no support.

Remember, we can only change ourselves; we cannot change another person. Trying to change things we do not have control over, only increase your sense of frustration. Ask yourself, “What do I have some control over? “What don’t I have control over? Write it down so that it becomes clearer in your mind.

What can I change?” Even a small change can make a big difference.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Reinhold Niebuhr

Some common stress reducers include:

- Yoga, Meditation, simple deep breathing with eyes closed
- Mild to moderate exercise – march in one spot, taking a walk, dancing or playing a sport
- Massage, manicure, pedicure, hair done
- Chatting with a friend and having a good laugh
- Listening to relaxing music with your eyes closed
- Painting, writing, reading, colouring book, search a word book, puzzles, scrabble

A gratitude journal

One of the best, and simplest ways for you to practice gratitude. This can be a notebook, copy book, a document on your computer. The point is you have a place to write down things that make you feel grateful. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

Set aside a few minutes each day to think and write down one or more things you’re grateful for.
Read over your journal when you’re feeling down or extra stressed. It can be a good pick-me-up.
Notice big things (I’m grateful that I have a caring person in my life) as well as small things (I really enjoyed the weather today, mom took her meds easily today, my hair looks great today) – everything counts!
I am grateful that I am finding time to write in my journal
Write about your favourite place. How it makes you feel. Example you love the beach, feeling the sand between your toes, the smell of salt water, hearing the waves crash on the rocks, the fresh sea breeze

Taking action to reduce stress gives us back a sense of control. Remember Stress reducers can be simple activities. Work with what you have readily available to you.

Homework:

Identify some stress reducers that work for you.

Start your gratitude journal today. What are you grateful for?

Why should I set GOALS?

Your day starts probably around 5:30/6:00am if not earlier and this is your 7 days a week routine. You start to organise breakfast for the care recipient, making sure it’s a breakfast specific to their diet. Then you wait for them to wake up. In some cases you then have to help them out of bed, get them dressed and ready for breakfast.

By this time it is now 8:30/9:00am. Breakfast is done and you organise the meds. Wait we are now at 10:00/10:30am. Guess What? You haven’t had any breakfast. Probably grab a cup of coffee that has to be reheated at least 3 times before you can complete it, if at all. Hold on, still no breakfast. No Time. You have to start to prep for lunch and probably organise a snack just before.

And this continues for the balance of the day. Where perhaps it’s now 4:30/5:00pm you feel dizzy, irritable, hungry because you haven’t eaten and probably topped up on 3 more cups of coffee to keep you going.

This is your daily routine 7 days a week. No stopping. You don’t feel healthy, your body feels tired, your mind is always racing along with your heart, your body aches, not to mention those headaches. The thought of exercise or going out and taking a break is like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

When will you start taking care of yourself? When the care recipient passes on? Or WHEN YOU COLLAPSE? First step is to set Goals to taking care of self?

Why should I set Goals?

Setting goals or deciding what you would like to accomplish in the next three to six months is an important tool for taking care of yourself. Here are some sample goals you might set:

Take a break from caregiving. This may sound crazy or even impossible. But trust me if you don’t do this or find a way to. You may be forced to, due to medical issues or worse.

Start with 30 minutes. A family member or friend can stay with the care recipient. You can try going outside or just take a walk around the block. Nothing too fancy as yet.
Read a book – at least cover 1 chapter
You can watch a TV Series which is about 30 minutes long

Get help with caregiving tasks like bathing and preparing meals.

Instead of the battle of a bath, choose a sponge bath which is easier. You can have other family members commit to days where, they will handle the bathing.
Prepare meals that can be frozen such as Lentil, callaloo, dhal, can be frozen and packaged in small containers and reheated. Remember to put the date it was made and use as quickly as possible.
Sandwiches can be made and, it can be the same menu for breakfast and dinner. So you don’t have to spend all this time preparing an entirely new meal. Eg. Boiled egg. Can be used in a sandwich and in a salad. Tuna can also be done in a sandwich and then tossed in pasta.
Have other family members commit to providing meals on certain days. Example Sunday lunch can be dropped off which can spill into Sunday and Monday Lunch.

Engage in activities that make you feel healthy

Dancing while you do chores or prepare meals
Singing at the top of your voice. Doesn’t matter if you don’t have a voice like Whitney Houston
Music is very therapeutic
Scented candles like Lavender relaxes and soothes the senses
Read a good book that stimulates the brain and takes you to another place
Sit on a chair and do some leg raises, get the blood flowing

Remember goals should be set in small increments, as you do not want to feel overwhelm if they are not accomplished. Decide which goal you are going to start first and when. Remember to be SMART

S. - Specific, or significant, stretching, stimulating, simple, self-owned, strategic, sensible...

M. - Measurable, or meaningful, motivating, manageable, maintainable...

A. - Achievable, or attainable, action-oriented, appropriate, agreed, assignable..

R. - Relevant, or rewarding, results-oriented, reviewable...

T. - Time based or time-bound, time- lined, track-able...

Goal: Dental cleaning.- Possible action steps:

Call the dentist and get available dates and times at least 2-3 options
Find out who will be able to stay with the care recipient based on the available dates and times you have
Call back the dentist and Make an appointment.
Remind the person 2 days before your appointment so that there are no disappointments.
Prepare a meal or snack for the care recipient, so that the replacement caregiver will always want to assist you, as you made their job easier. Sometimes we need to spoon feed persons to get what we want.
Give yourself extra time. So you don’t feel rushed if the appointment runs late example. Your appointment is at 10am on Tuesday. Discuss with your replacement caregiver you will be back by 1pm. You give yourself enough time NO RUSHING. You may even get some extra ME TIME.

Homework:

What are your short term goals for April 2018.

How to seek the solution to

your problem?

Firstly you need to identify your problem. Meal time mainly lunch is my biggest challenge for my mother. What to make? She doesn’t like fish. Don’t feel for baked or stewed chicken. Don’t want potatoes, never liked cassava as a child and the list goes on. She doesn’t want to eat or when she does, she eats little or nothing. Every day I am in the kitchen preparing 2 different meals and still have to balance my business .

What am I to do? Making 2 and 3 different meals is neither time efficient or financially sound for a family of 3. I already have my challenges of things I can and cannot eat. So it is easy for me to alter my meal and do one meal for my mother and husband (thank god he is not fussy).

So now I have identified my problem and seeking possible solutions. Fish is placed in a pie and passed off as a chicken pie. The chicken is stripped and put into sandwiches, the potato is shredded and pan seared and placed into pita bread and the cassava is fried with a nice tartar sauce dip. My husband thought me this trick. If her mind thinks this is what it is then, this is what it is. Most seniors their taste buds are a bit off, some may say its mean and I am taking advantage of her challenges. But my priority is for her to eat and keep her nutrition level as high as possible, so she remains healthy and strong. Now the fight is no more I win and she wins. Problem solved. No more fights.

As a caregiver, one of the most important tools in caregiving is firstly to identify the problem, seek the solutions and take action to solve it. Changing the situation will also change your attitude to a more positive one. Your confidence level builds along with your abilities.

Steps for Seeking Solutions

Identify the problem. Sometimes you need to step away from the situation and keep an open mind. The real problem may not be what you think. Example, What to cook and why cook 3 different meals. “Prepare one meal but use it in different ways for my mom”.
List possible solutions. “My husband can prepare meals on some of the days. In most cases his meals are so much better than mine” now I don’t feel overwhelmed in being in the kitchen every day. “Also prepare and freeze some of the meals. For example callaloo, dhal, lentil peas, baked beans” can be warmed up. Remember to mark the dates they were prepared and use as quickly as possible. “prepare my meals for the week in advance, therefore I am not stressed in cooking 2 meals at the same time”
Select one solution from the list. Try it for a period of time, maybe a month. Not just one day or one week. Give yourself time to settle into this new idea.
Evaluate the results. Ask yourself how well your choice worked. Be brutally honest
Try a second solution. If your first idea didnʼt work, select another. But donʼt give up on the first; sometimes an idea just needs fine-tuning. Bounce your idea off a family or friend. Maybe a different perspective may add a twist that just might work.
If nothing seems to help, accept that the problem may not be solvable now. Don’t feel pressured, you can revisit it at another time.

Remember nothing is written in stone. We may feel defeated or stuck and sometimes jump from Step 1 to Step 6. Keep an open mind, continue to list possible solutions and keep experimenting on what works for you.

Homework:

List the problem and seek the possible solutions. Apply one solution at a time and evaluate.

Why should I set GOALS?

Your day starts probably around 5:30/6:00am if not earlier and this is your 7 days a week routine. You start to organise breakfast for the care recipient, making sure it’s a breakfast specific to their diet. Then you wait for them to wake up. In some cases you then have to help them out of bed, get them dressed and ready for breakfast.

By this time it is now 8:30/9:00am. Breakfast is done and you organise the meds. Wait we are now at 10:00/10:30am. Guess What? You haven’t had any breakfast. Probably grab a cup of coffee that has to be reheated at least 3 times before you can complete it, if at all. Hold on, still no breakfast. No Time. You have to start to prep for lunch and probably organise a snack just before.

And this continues for the balance of the day. Where perhaps it’s now 4:30/5:00pm you feel dizzy, irritable, hungry because you haven’t eaten and probably topped up on 3 more cups of coffee to keep you going.

This is your daily routine 7 days a week. No stopping. You don’t feel healthy, your body feels tired, your mind is always racing along with your heart, your body aches, not to mention those headaches. The thought of exercise or going out and taking a break is like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

When will you start taking care of yourself? When the care recipient passes on? Or WHEN YOU COLLAPSE? First step is to set Goals to taking care of self?

Why should I set Goals?

Setting goals or deciding what you would like to accomplish in the next three to six months is an important tool for taking care of yourself. Here are some sample goals you might set:

Take a break from caregiving. This may sound crazy or even impossible. But trust me if you don’t do this or find a way to. You may be forced to, due to medical issues or worse.

Start with 30 minutes. A family member or friend can stay with the care recipient. You can try going outside or just take a walk around the block. Nothing too fancy as yet.
Read a book – at least cover 1 chapter
You can watch a TV Series which is about 30 minutes long

Get help with caregiving tasks like bathing and preparing meals.

Instead of the battle of a bath, choose a sponge bath which is easier. You can have other family members commit to days where, they will handle the bathing.
Prepare meals that can be frozen such as Lentil, callaloo, dhal, can be frozen and packaged in small containers and reheated. Remember to put the date it was made and use as quickly as possible.
Sandwiches can be made and, it can be the same menu for breakfast and dinner. So you don’t have to spend all this time preparing an entirely new meal. Eg. Boiled egg. Can be used in a sandwich and in a salad. Tuna can also be done in a sandwich and then tossed in pasta.
Have other family members commit to providing meals on certain days. Example Sunday lunch can be dropped off which can spill into Sunday and Monday Lunch.

Engage in activities that make you feel healthy

Dancing while you do chores or prepare meals
Singing at the top of your voice. Doesn’t matter if you don’t have a voice like Whitney Houston
Music is very therapeutic
Scented candles like Lavender relaxes and soothes the senses
Read a good book that stimulates the brain and takes you to another place
Sit on a chair and do some leg raises, get the blood flowing

Remember goals should be set in small increments, as you do not want to feel overwhelm if they are not accomplished. Decide which goal you are going to start first and when. Remember to be SMART

S. - Specific, or significant, stretching, stimulating, simple, self-owned, strategic, sensible...

M. - Measurable, or meaningful, motivating, manageable, maintainable...

A. - Achievable, or attainable, action-oriented, appropriate, agreed, assignable..

R. - Relevant, or rewarding, results-oriented, reviewable...

T. - Time based or time-bound, time- lined, track-able...

Goal: Dental cleaning.- Possible action steps:

Call the dentist and get available dates and times at least 2-3 options
Find out who will be able to stay with the care recipient based on the available dates and times you have
Call back the dentist and Make an appointment.
Remind the person 2 days before your appointment so that there are no disappointments.
Prepare a meal or snack for the care recipient, so that the replacement caregiver will always want to assist you, as you made their job easier. Sometimes we need to spoon feed persons to get what we want.
Give yourself extra time. So you don’t feel rushed if the appointment runs late example. Your appointment is at 10am on Tuesday. Discuss with your replacement caregiver you will be back by 1pm. You give yourself enough time NO RUSHING. You may even get some extra ME TIME.

Homework:

What are your short term goals for April 2018.