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What is Personal Stress

Topics on Self-Care for Family Caregiver

Why should I set Goals?

How to seek the solution to

your problem?

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Firstly you need to identify your problem.  Meal time mainly lunch is my biggest challenge for my mother.  What to make?  She doesn’t like fish.  Don’t feel for baked or stewed chicken. Don’t want potatoes, never liked cassava as a child and the list goes on.   She doesn’t want to eat or when she does, she eats little or nothing.  Every day I am in the kitchen preparing 2 different meals and still have to balance my business .

 

What am I to do?  Making 2 and 3 different meals is neither time efficient or financially sound for a family of 3.   I already have my challenges of things I can and cannot eat.  So it is easy for me to alter my meal and do one meal for my mother and husband (thank god he is not fussy).

 

So now I have identified my problem and seeking possible solutions.  Fish is placed in a pie and passed off as a chicken pie.  The chicken is stripped and put into sandwiches, the potato is shredded and pan seared and placed into pita bread and the cassava is fried with a nice tartar sauce dip.  My husband thought me this trick.  If her mind thinks this is what it is then, this is what it is.  Most seniors their taste buds are a bit off, some may say its mean and I am taking advantage of her challenges.  But my priority is for her to eat and keep her nutrition level as high as possible, so she remains healthy and strong.  Now the fight is no more I win and she wins.  Problem solved. No more fights.

 

As a caregiver, one of the most important tools in caregiving is firstly to identify the problem, seek the solutions and take action to solve it.  Changing the situation will also change your attitude to a more positive one.  Your confidence level builds along with your abilities.

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Steps for Seeking Solutions

  1. Identify the problem.  Sometimes you need to step away from the situation and keep an open mind.  The real problem may not be what you think.  Example, What to cook and why cook 3 different meals.  “Prepare one meal but use it in different ways for my mom”.

  2. List possible solutions.  “My husband can prepare meals on some of the days.  In most cases his meals are so much better than mine” now I don’t feel overwhelmed in being in the kitchen every day.  “Also prepare and freeze some of the meals. For example callaloo, dhal, lentil peas, baked beans” can be warmed up.  Remember to mark the dates they were prepared and use as quickly as possible. “prepare my meals for the week in advance, therefore I am not stressed in cooking 2 meals at the same time”

  3. Select one solution from the list. Try it for a period of time, maybe a month.  Not just one  day or one week.  Give yourself time to settle into this new idea.

  4. Evaluate the results. Ask yourself how well your choice worked.  Be brutally honest

  5. Try a second solution. If your first idea didnʼt work, select another. But donʼt give up on the first; sometimes an idea just needs fine-tuning.  Bounce your idea off a family or friend.  Maybe a different perspective may add a twist that just might work.

  6. If nothing seems to help, accept that the problem may not be solvable now.  Don’t feel pressured, you can revisit it at another time.

 

 

Remember nothing is written in stone.  We may feel defeated or stuck and sometimes jump from Step 1 to Step 6.  Keep an open mind, continue to list possible solutions and keep experimenting on what works for you.

 

Homework:

List the problem and seek the possible solutions.  Apply one solution at a time and evaluate.   

 

        

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Why should I set GOALS?

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 Your day starts probably around 5:30/6:00am if not earlier and this is your 7 days a week routine.  You start to organise breakfast for the care recipient, making sure it’s a breakfast specific to their diet.  Then you wait for them to wake up.  In some cases you then have to help them out of bed, get them dressed and ready for breakfast.

 

By this time it is now 8:30/9:00am.  Breakfast is done and you organise the meds.  Wait we are now at 10:00/10:30am.  Guess What?  You haven’t had any breakfast.  Probably grab a cup of coffee that has to be reheated at least 3 times before you can complete it, if at all.  Hold on, still no breakfast.  No Time.  You have to start to prep for lunch and probably organise a snack just before.

 

And this continues for the balance of the day.  Where perhaps it’s now 4:30/5:00pm you feel dizzy, irritable, hungry because you haven’t eaten and probably topped up on 3 more cups of coffee to keep you going.

 

This is your daily routine 7 days a week.  No stopping.  You don’t feel healthy, your body feels tired, your mind is always racing along with your heart, your body aches, not to mention those headaches.  The thought of exercise or going out and taking a break is like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

 

When will you start taking care of yourself?  When the care recipient passes on?  Or WHEN YOU COLLAPSE?  First step is to set Goals to taking care of self?

 

Why should I set Goals?

Setting goals or deciding what you would like to accomplish in the next three to six months is an important tool for taking care of yourself. Here are some sample goals you might set:

 

Take a break from caregiving.  This may sound crazy or even impossible.  But trust me if you don’t do this or find a way to.  You may be forced to, due to medical issues or worse.

  • Start with 30 minutes.  A family member or friend can stay with the care recipient.  You can try going outside or just take a walk around the block.  Nothing too fancy as yet.

  • Read a book – at least cover 1 chapter

  • You can watch a TV Series which is about 30 minutes long

 

 

Get help with caregiving tasks like bathing and preparing meals.

  • Instead of the battle of a bath, choose a sponge bath which is easier.  You can have other family members commit to days where, they will handle the bathing.

  • Prepare meals that can be frozen such as Lentil, callaloo, dhal, can be frozen and packaged in small containers and reheated.  Remember to put the date it was made and use as quickly as possible.

  • Sandwiches can be made and, it can be the same menu for breakfast and dinner.  So you don’t have to spend all this time preparing an entirely new meal. Eg. Boiled egg.  Can be used in a sandwich and in a salad.  Tuna can also be done in a sandwich and then tossed in pasta.

  • Have other family members commit to providing meals on certain days.  Example Sunday lunch can be dropped off which can spill into Sunday and Monday Lunch.

 

Engage in activities that make you feel healthy

  • Dancing while you do chores or prepare meals

  • Singing at the top of your voice.  Doesn’t matter if you don’t have a voice like Whitney Houston

  • Music is very therapeutic

  • Scented candles like Lavender relaxes and soothes the senses

  • Read a good book that stimulates the brain and takes you to another place

  • Sit on a chair and do some leg raises, get the blood flowing

 

Remember goals should be set in small increments, as you do not want to feel overwhelm if they are not accomplished.  Decide which goal you are going to start first and when.  Remember to be SMART

 

S.   - Specific, or significant, stretching, stimulating, simple, self-owned, strategic, sensible...

M. - Measurable, or meaningful, motivating, manageable, maintainable...

A.  - Achievable, or attainable, action-oriented, appropriate, agreed, assignable..

R. -  Relevant, or rewarding, results-oriented,  reviewable...

T.  - Time based or time-bound, time- lined, track-able...

 

Goal: Dental cleaning.- Possible action steps:

  1. Call the dentist and get available dates and times at least 2-3 options

  2. Find out who will be able to stay with the care recipient based on the available dates and times you have

  3. Call back the dentist and Make an appointment.

  4. Remind the person 2 days before your appointment so that there are no disappointments.

  5. Prepare a meal or snack for the care recipient, so that the replacement caregiver will always want to assist you, as you made their job easier.  Sometimes we need to spoon feed persons to get what we want.

  6. Give yourself extra time.  So you don’t feel rushed if the appointment runs late example.  Your appointment is at 10am on Tuesday.  Discuss with your replacement caregiver you will be back by 1pm.  You give yourself enough time NO RUSHING.  You may even get some extra ME TIME.

 

Homework:

What are your short term goals for April 2018.

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